I just tried to do a lumbar puncture and failed to get fluid.
I’m laying down right now on the balcony, listening to the birds, and thinking about the experience. I feel disappointed.
Mark Manson calls this the first layer of self-awareness: being able to feel your feelings and know what they are.
One layer deeper is being aware of your definition of success or failure.
Failure, for me is not getting spinal fluid. And success is getting the fluid. Bonus points for a “champagne tap.”
Another layer deeper is awareness of the values we are holding dear. My value, driving my disappointment, is “always getting perfect outcomes.”
This is a crappy value.
Some better values:
- Giving the best possible care to my patients. I did this by admitting defeat relatively early in a challenging and anxious patient, and getting the patient to interventional radiology. I also counselled her extensively and provided emotional support.
- Learning. I watched this fantastic video before the LP. Even though it wasn’t sucessful, I now know more about LP pitfalls than when I started.
When I focus on these values, rather than the value of perfect outcomes, I feel fulfilled with my performance, and more motivated to try again in the future.
danscreativeoulet 