Retreats, travels, festivals…
Each of these have something in common: they are outside of this humdrum thing that we call regular life. You know, that thing that involves managing money, doing laundry, going to work.
During peak experiences, the novelty dial on life is set to “high.” The connection dial is set to “high” as well. You meet people who are open, interested, interesting. You are exposed to ideas that blow your mind. You feel like a kid again. Possibility and magic infuse every moment.
Peak experiences are a hell of a lot of fun.
But do they have a downside? Can they be unhelpful? And is there a way to do peak experiences “right.”
This morning, I found myself pondering a show I watched earlier this year called Enlightened. The show begins when the central protagonist, Amy, comes back to her regular life after a healing retreat in Hawaii. Amy is feeling on top of the world when she returns from the retreat. Yet over the show’s subsequent episodes, it becomes clear that Amy cannot sustain those feelings of peace and connection.
Why not?
Simply put, Amy does not have the skills of living. She sucks at things like empathy, living in reality, and creating healthy relationships. The show is a slow-motion car crash of Amy struggling in her life after the retreat. Eventually and painfully, Amy realizes that she needs to get better at the skills of living.
Having a good time at a festival or retreat is fairly easy if you are open to new experiences, extroverted, and playful.
Living a meaningful life requires more than just these things. I’m reading a book right now called Build the life you want by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Wintfrey. I like the choice of the word “build” in the title. Building is an active process, and requires specific skills.
Do peak experiences help us build the life we want? They can certainly be potent tools for this. They can widen our aperture on life, giving us new ideas about what’s possible. They can expose us to people and ideas we wouldn’t otherwise encounter, in the boxes of our regular lives. I think of these experiences as sources of kindling which we can use to build an awesome new fire.
Yet they are only that: kindling.
It is up to us to use this kindling, after the experience is over.
I went to an event called The Festival of Yes created by my friend Alex Chmeil a.k.a. the Yes man. The central philosophy of the event was that saying YES can be a tool for introducing movement into your life. And saying YES to others, by backing them in their projects, can be one of the most meaningful things we do.
The Festival of Yes had all the hallmarks of a peak experience: interesting new people and ideas, connection to nature, music, and art. It was even held during a meteor shower. We stayed up all night dancing and stargazing. It was magical.
After the event, there was the usual “reentry” phase of getting back to regular life. Though I didn’t cry in my work bathroom like Amy from Enlightened, I did ask myself: what now?
A few weeks after the festival, I remembered meeting a guy there named Flo who was really into Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu. Inspired by him, I signed up for a local Jiu-Jitsu class and loved it.
In the subsequent months, however, I haven’t really plunged into the world of Jiu-Jitsu. I haven’t built a campfire: jiu-Jitsu remains kindling, potential, and that’s OK.
A few days ago, my girlfriend Api and I drove by a sign on the side of the road that said “free puppies.”
Api said, “Do you want to check it out?”
I was hesitant, but thought back to the YES philosophy and said, “Sure.”
We parked and walked towards the sign. A few people were gathered around a pickup truck. Here’s what we saw in the truck bed:
I picked up a puppy and held him in my hands. He was so cute and calm.
Jimmy, the guy giving away the puppies said, “You can take him out with you and give him back if you want. I’ll give you my number.” And so, we took the pup with us to a farmer’s market.
At the market, lots of people gave us puppy advice. Anxiety set in. “We are in over our heads!” we thought. We asked our AirBnB if our puppy could stay with us, and the owner said “No.”
We called Jimmy, wondering if we could give the dog back.
Ring. Ring.
“Hi.”
“Hi, is this Jimmy? We got the dog from you today.”
“What? You have the wrong number.”
Damn…we thought, and laughed. Our YES just got real. Unplanned pet parenthood was upon us!
YES is a vehicle of movement, no doubt. For better? For worse? We will see. Both seem to be true right now. What I can say, though, is, when I spend time with this puppy, I’ve definitely building a fire in my regular life from the kindling of the Festival of Yes. Emphasis on regular life. Taking a puppy out to pee every two hours is regular life, not peak experience.
I think it’s possible to get addicted to peak experiences just like it’s possible to get addicted to anything fun. The most helpful way to use peak experiences, I think, is to recognize them for what they are:
- expansive, impermanent and beautiful things, valuable for their own sake
- and also, sources of kindling for our lives
Peak experiences are a start. We can carry the kindling we’ve gathered on the peaks of life back with us to the lower altitudes of our regular days. Once back home, we can experiment with applying what we’ve learned. Hopefully we are able use some of this kindling to make our lives more meaningful, satisfying, and enjoyable.
danscreativeoulet 