Is it healthy?

I was reading the above book at a party yesterday, and explained its premise to a lady I just met there. The book discusses the shoulds we learn from society. The lady said: “For every should, we can ask: Is it healthy?“

She went on: “We know about unhealthy dependence, now. Codependence. What about healthy interdependence?”

As with should, so with dependence. I should do the dishes, is a healthy should. I depend on my family for support during difficult times, is healthy dependence.

Black-and-white thinking is dopaminergic for me. I can get high on its seductive buzz. “Shoulds are bad, musts are good,” I caught myself thinking as I read the above book. It made me feel good to think I had discovered a simple rule to explain everything.

Life, though, is more nuanced than that. Consider Hitler. He had passions, things he felt he must do. These were not healthy musts.

The question: “Is it healthy?” gives much-needed nuance. Questions, in general, provide an antidote to black-and-white thinking. They make us slow down and consider the specific situation at hand, rather than applying some rigid rule to all of life.