Very much not root cause

"I'm having a lot of forgetfulness. 
It's hard to recall facts.
I'm nervous and twitchy and drooling and dizzy.
It feels like I want to pass out."

Says the man in the rectangle on my screen.

He's on 8 different medications
That affect the brain
5 of them have significant interactions

I'm one of 4 doctors managing the meds
In addition to me, the neurologist
There's the pain doctor, the psychiatrist, the primary doctor

He's in his sixties and weighs over 300 pounds

I wonder
If he'd be better off
Off all the meds
I wonder
Why I feel so heavy
At the end of the visit

I tell him
To reduce the dose
Of two of the meds

***

Last night
My wife and I 
Watched a documentary
About the history
Of China

People in history
Were not very kind

***

Part of growing up
I think
Is accepting
That the world we live in
Is the world we live in
And figuring out
Our right size
In it all

Helping but
Realizing the limits 
Of my energy

A part of growing up is grief

Grief that the world
Isn't as beautiful
As it could be
Grief that my ability 
To change the world
Isn't as great
As I wish it were

My intervention
Of helping the man with his meds
Is very much not the intervention
I'd like to have

I'd like to move him
Into a community
Close to friends
Close to the earth
Where he can express his gifts
Where he can sing

I feel heavy
Because of grief right now
It feels futile
To be spending my time like this
Working on things
That are very much
Not root cause

First I grieve
Then I accept
Then, eventually

I go back to work