Training my dog, training myself

For the past 2 months, my fiance Api and I have been working with Sean, a dog trainer. The results have been incredible.

Humility was my first lesson on this journey. Hiring Sean took me admitting that I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, that I was out of my depth. Two months ago, our dog Mango was a 90-pound punk who pretty much ran the show around here. He’d buck and escape from his leash if he didn’t want to go somewhere. He’d ignore us most of the time. In addition to the behavior problems, he had a full-body skin rash that was causing bleeding ulcers. Not to mention chronic diarrhea.

Nowadays, Mango follows most commands (while at home), makes eye contact, and bucks only rarely. The skin rash and diarrhea are gone. Mango isn’t perfect, but he’s come a long way.

The thing that kept me from getting help sooner was the belief that I could do this on my own. Humility was what allowed me to open myself up for help. If I’d have insisted that “everything was fine,” we would likely still be struggling.

Sean taught us many principles for training Mango to be a good boy. It has dawned on me that many of these principles will likely work well to help me be a good boy, too.

Here’s a summary of what I learned in the past two months, that I think applies equally to both dogs and humans:

The importance of whole food. The very first session, Sean told us to feed Mango a raw meat diet to help treat Mango’s skin problems. Prior to this, Mango had been eating a diet of mostly processed kibble. The results were nothing short of miraculous. In 2 days, Mango’s full-body rash was 90% better and his diarrhea resolved.

• Dog version: Wolves eat whole animals, including bones and organs. This is the bedrock of a healthy diet for dogs.
• Human version: Humans should eat whole foods. In the words of Michael Pollan: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. Or slightly longer: eat local food with ingredients your great-grandmother would recognize. Avoid processed foods. Shop at farmer’s markets.

Shaping. Shaping a behavior is the principle of finding the small components of the desired behavior that can be rewarded. Building up a behavior out of components.

• Dog version: Rewarding mango for staying for 1 second, then 2 seconds, then 3 seconds.
• Human version: The minimal viable action. Giving myself a pat on the back for putting on gym clothes and stepping into the gym. Or for writing the first line of that email I’ve been avoiding.

Every behavior is a vote for the future. Early in our journey, Sean brought up an analogy for the dog mind as a chalkboard that, through repetitions, gets grooves etched into it. I think that the human mind is like this too. So, a behavior can be thought of not just as something in the present, but also something that deepens the groove in the chalkboard. Every time a behavior is chosen, it’s more likely to repeat.

• Dog version: The first week of training, we focused on just getting Mango to pay attention to his name 50 times. The point of doing this was to deepen the groove of him paying attention. This also goes for destructive behaviors. For example, if Mango runs away successfully, he learns that running away is a fun game, and this makes him more likely to run away in the future. Or if he learns he can buck to escape from his harness, he is learning that bucking is an effective way to get what he wants. Getting a martingale collar was instrumental in stopping the bucking. Getting a chain leash was helpful getting him to stop playing tug of war (biting a chain is no fun for Mango). And ignoring Mango when he would go crazy and show teeth was instrumental in stopping these behaviors.
• Human version: If I reward myself with alcohol after a run or a hard day of work, then I am not only making these choices in the present, I’m making it more likely that I’ll repeat these choices in the future. Conversely, if I reward myself with a sparkly non-alcoholic beverage, then this, too becomes more likely in the future. If I allow myself to get into the headspace of righteous indignation while talking to my mom, then I can get addicted to this feeling and be more likely to get into this same headspace in future conversations.

Patience and expectations. One very helpful thing Sean said to us was: “Training is a lot. If you need to go for a walk in the forest to zen out, do this by yourself. Taking your dog to the forest requires a lot focus. It takes 1.5-2 years to train a dog.” This set my expectations that this would be a long journey, and there would be no “instant results.”

• Dog version: Not getting frustrated that after 2 months of training, Mango still doesn’t listen reliably when walking in the forest. The forest is a level 10-difficulty environment because of all the smells and distractions. Set the expectation lower: in the forest, success = having him pay attention to his name.
• Human version: Not getting frustrated that after a year of rock climbing, I can only do V3 climbs. A year ago, I was only doing V2 climbs. Slow progress is still progress!

Structure before freedom. This was a major mindset shift for me over the past 2 months. I recently traveled to Thailand, and was amazed at how well-behaved the village dogs were. “We should let our dogs roam around in packs, not keep them caged up in yards,” I thought, upon returning. Well, these are totally different contexts. The street dogs of the rural village are socialized in the pack, whereas the dogs here in the west generally rely on humans for socialization. Neither context is “right” or “wrong,” they are just different. In both cases, discipline must be taught. In the case of street dogs, it’s taught by the pack. In the US, it’s taught by dog owners.

• Dog version: No free feeding, food is given in exchange for good behavior. No off-leash forest or beach walks, until the behavior is excellent on-leash.
• Human version: Kids can have freedom (e.g. play) after they demonstrate that they can control themselves. I can give myself freedom and relaxation, after I get things done on my to-do list.

The fulfillment equation. A dog needs exercise, mental stimulation, and affection every day. Ditto for humans. These needs can be met with small deposits: a short walk, a touch or kind word, reading a book (for a human) or following commands (for a dog).

• Dog version: Before asking Mango to relax on the beach, it’s important that his needs for the above are met. When I see a dog barking at me, I used to think: that’s a bad dog. Now I think: that’s an under fulfilled dog.
• Human version: If I’m feeling agitated or unbalanced, see if any of the above are missing. If someone is mean to me, ask myself: is this an under-fulfilled human?

What behavior do I want instead? The two main levers for shaping dog behavior are rewards and interruptions. Yet interrupting an unwanted behavior is just the first step. After interrupting, I must ask: what behavior do I want instead?

• Dog version: If Mango is chasing our cat or barking outside, I can interrupt this by keeping him on a leash, and bringing him onto his “station” and rewarding him with food. If Mango is chewing something he shouldn’t be, I can replace this item with something I want him to be chewing.
• Human version: If I don’t want to be tossing in bed with insomnia (training myself that the bed is not for sleeping), I can interrupt this behavior by getting out of bed and reading a book or writing this blog post!

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In all, dog training has been a lot of fun for me. I really enjoy teaching and seeing the progress of our furry pupil! A big shout out to Sean and Jenia at A Pet Perspective for making our journey with Mango possible. And to Api for being down to journey with me.