What feeling will time leave me with?

When I look back at a period of my life and think to myself: “I spent my time well,” then I’m filled with a sense of meaning. If I look back and think: “I wasted my time,” then I’m filled with regret. In this way, meaning and regret are both BACKWARD-LOOKING emotions. And they’re opposites.

Following my interests, values, and sense of purpose lead me to a sense of meaning when I look back at my time spent. Doing things motivated by conformity, fear and shame, and chasing dissociative pleasures lead me to feel regret.

It reminds me of Jeffrey Lewis’ song Time Trades:

Because your looks are gonna leave you
And your city’s gonna change too
And your shoes are gonna wear through
Yeah, time is gonna take so much away
But there’s a way that you can offer time a trade

You gotta do something that you can get smarter at
You gotta do something that you might just be a starter at
You better do something that you can get better at
‘Cause that’s the thing that time will leave you with…

You have no choice you have to pay time’s price
But you can use the price to buy you something nice
Something you can only buy with lots of time
So when you’re old you’ll blow some whippersnappers mind

“The thing that time will leave you with” can be either a sense of meaning OR a sense of regret, depending on how I choose to spend my time. Jeffrey concludes his song with the words:

So I’ve decided recently
To try to trade more decently

Me too!