The Dark Side of North Stars

"Not the way that you’d imagined it
On a balcony with champagne lips
But in a pantry against the pancake mix
You had your New Year’s kiss"
--Casiotone for the painfully alone

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The dark side of North Stars
Is the thought
That reaching them
Will save you from Death

North Star visions
Stick in our minds
From Disney movies and ads
Or from idealic experiences in our imaginations
Or memories
We spend our lives 
Trying to reach them

Memory, unreliable wench that you are
In the real world, my butt itches
But that usually doesn't get remembered

Yesterday I almost scarfed down a slice of pizza
When I wasn't hungry
The tiny North Star was
"Be full all the time"

Today I almost went to a jazz concert
In pursuit of excitement and transcendence and friendship
But I did not
And instead connected with presence

In that presence
I saw what was underneath
The frantic pursuit:
A belief
That if I get this
Gold coin
I'll be OK
That there is a utopia out there
Without suffering and death

Alan Watts spoke of
"The wisdom of insecurity"
The wisdom of not believing
That reaching a hot gaseous ball in space
Will keep you forever safe

We are terrified of being
Food for the worms
North Stars as orienters
Are good
But reaching them
Won't save you
Or me